Let’s get really green! — St. Patrick’s Fortnight is upon us. That’s right, fortnight. Two full glorious weeks of shamrock-soaked blarney. Where on God’s green earth is it written that St. Paddy’s has to be confined to a single day of dyed beers and singing along at the local Irish pub? If you’re anything like…

This has been going on for quite a while — Prominent Americans have been making a mockery of personal hygiene products throughout our nation’s history. Tiger Woods slipping a tampon to a fellow golfer during a PGA tournament, and their shared snickering, is only the most recent example. Many historians believe the tradition began with George Washington. At the prow…

Stop showing weakness — Auto mechanic: “Three days ago?! Are you shitting me? As soon as that oil indicator light came on, you should have pulled over, unscrewed the oil cap, and fired a few rounds down in there. 9mm at least.” IT programmer: “It’s too late now, but if your phone ever gets…

You’d probably feel the same way — Ice baths. In all of creation there is no more guaranteed way to get my butt cheeks good and raw than by soaking them in bitterly ice-cold water. Bareback horse riding. This works even better if the horse is also bareback. Hitting the beach in a scratchy 1890s woolen bathing…

Let’s roll — Riding electric doesn’t call to everyone. It carries a level of risk that few are willing to face. Most people today are quite simply afraid to diminish their social standing and overall attractiveness for the sake of effortless bicycle transportation. Against the grain of today’s distraction-filled society, it is only…

I just have to unload — Conflicting Values Call me a traditionalist, but I believe each appliance has been designed by its creator to perform certain functions. A dishwasher should wash the dishes and not complain about it. It’s really that simple. But now that role is no longer enough for you. Somehow, you’ve acquired all…

The quest for an even more marketable dog — No one ever said the puppy-making business would be easy. It’s extremely competitive. To get to the top of the kennel club requires extraordinary talent and relentless focus. Maintaining that alpha position, as we call it, is even harder. It takes a special breed. I was a middle-of-the-pack member of…

Because every novel deserves a little pampering — Why not rejuvenate your dispirited draft novel with a sumptuous spa experience? Let go of all self-doubt and allow your struggling manuscript to luxuriate in one of our classic offerings. Or better yet, splurge on the whole menu: Instead of battering your story with more revisions, reserve a session at…

Find out if any of them apply to you — Incredibly valid reason #1: You don’t own a dog. You’ve never owned a dog. You are not responsible. Incredibly valid reason #2: You do own a dog, but that pile did not come from your dog. You are not responsible. Incredibly valid reason #3: You are responsible. You are truly…